Domestic Violence- A Dissociative Perspective
Dissociation theory has long understood the dynamics that takes place in domestic violence specific to the extreme contrast between “terror followed by submission and reconciliation (Walker).” Dissociation theory is based on the premise that there is compulsion to repeat our unresolved childhood traumas often through behavioral reenactments. In our personal relationships, we unconsciously seek out, provoke, and trigger situations that recreate and replay our childhood abuses albeit from witnessing our parents fighting and or being physically, sexually and or emotionally abused. Recreating but not resolving dramas from our childhood is the essence of symbiotic relationships. The feelings that are blocked off/dissociated in childhood are powerful primary emotions, that when triggered years later, manifest in their original emotional form as panic, despair, and or rage.
The observer is often confused about the dynamics of domestic violence: lack of remorse with the abuser, and the minimization and self blame of the abused. Why does the abused go back with the abuser? Understand, both partners match up at the same level of differentiation. They are playing out the same struggle, powerlessness and helplessness, in different roles- a positions of dominance and control versus one of submission and self blame. Victims of child abuse can remain in a victim role, become the victimizer, and or switch from one role to the other. All of my male and female juvenile sex offenders were sexually abused as kids. Ninety percent of them have no recollection of their earlier trauma, but their blocked off feelings are propelling the acting out behavior.
The process is as follows: there is a trigger or a provocation that can be evoked by either partner. Then a dispute ensues. An episode can involve jealous rage, verbal threats, intimidation, and physical aggression. Both partners enter a depersonalized/detached state of mind, replaying powerful childhood emotions with seemingly contemporary causes. The dramatic episode is followed by a period of calm, then a heightened phase of reconciliation which reinforces the symbiotic traumatic bond that is usually based more on obsession than love. At varying levels, the partners do not remember the intensity of the abusive episode. It should be noted that drugs and alcohol are disinhibitors that can facilitate the reliving of childhood trauma.
“The lack of self-regulation is possible the most far-reaching effect of psychological trauma in both children and adults (Van der Kolk). The reliving of our childhood wounds does not resolve those powerful feelings. Each partner needs to resolve their blocked off trauma through a deep healing process. For my practice, the hypnotic/abreactive process has been very effective in the healing of childhood trauma.
Van der Kolk, B.A., McFarlane, A.C. & Weisaeth, L. (1996). Traumatic stress. New York: Guilford Press.
Walker, L. (1979). The battered women. New York: Harper & Row.
Excellent Willie! Tyra had a couple on last night (18 & 23 years old) that do this dance twice weekly resulting in her face being punched brutally each episode. “The same level of differentiation” truth is never discussed/explained by the Pop Culturists (Tyra, O, Ricky Lake, etc.), so the abusee is never identified as an active partner in this symbiotic entanglement. The simple solution; that a guy should never touch the girl is always given and applauded by the audience, never close to being aware of the complexity of the symbiosis and the deeper problem of both parties. No question the abuser’s behaviour is unacceptable and must stop, but there is far more to the story begging resolution. Van der Kolk nailed it, and you are doing a great job in explaining and connecting it to a mass audience of the un-initiated. Congrats and Regards.
DS
Posted by Don Shewbridge | March 20, 2009 9:53 AM“Spiritually, it is the state of mind that taps us into all the power and resources we have in order to heal. It is the state of mind that allows the universe to bring things to us.”
Mr. Jump, I applaud your efforts to help those who are hurting, but you are leading people astray. Give careful thought to your ways.
“When men tell you to consult mediums and spiritists, who whisper and mutter, should not a people inquire of their God? Why consult the dead on behalf of the living?” – Isaiah 8:19
“Then know this, you and all the people of Israel: It is by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified but whom God raised from the dead, that this man stands before you healed. He is
Posted by G. | March 20, 2009 10:44 AM” ‘the stone you builders rejected,
which has become the capstone.’
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” – Acts 4:10-12
I find it encouraging that Mr. Jump is able to penetrate to such depths of personal experience to uncover the source of these behaviors. While many of us are locked in the framework of our temporal lives, Mr. Jump is finding new ways to go beyond as he helps people in their times of dire need. I purchased his book because I am intrigued by his work. He demonstrates the progress we have made as beings to understand and resolve such complex life behaviors. I feel it is better to deal with these issues at their sources rather than to try to eradicate them through violence. Keep up the good work Mr. Jump! Be well …
Posted by inthewind7097 | March 20, 2009 10:59 AMDear William:
I have a friend who carries the diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder.
She appears to be stuck and is 40 years old… She lives in New Jersey.
Please recommend someone she can see who can get her unstuck— her parents have money.
Love,
In Jesus’ name,
Diane M. Leonard Beck
Posted by Diane M. Leonard Beck | November 4, 2009 10:20 PM